


SBURBSim GlitchFAQ

by jadedResearcher



Category: Homestuck, Sburbsim - Fandom
Genre: GlitchFAQ SBURBSim
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-12
Updated: 2017-06-23
Packaged: 2018-11-13 06:36:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,143
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11179110
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jadedResearcher/pseuds/jadedResearcher
Summary: The Glitch pile does not stop from getting taller when you're in charge of writing the most ambitious, buggiest piece of shit game in all of Paradox Space.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Sup, I'm jadedResearcher and I created <http://www.farragofiction.com/SBURBSim> . Inspired in part by [GodsGiftToGrinds Glitch FAQ](http://archiveofourown.org/works/340777/chapters/551606), I figured if SBURB was a buggy piece of shit, then I was more than capable of creating it. 
> 
> I was not wrong.
> 
> Below are some of the most entertaining glitches, saved for posterity.

#  Bug Reports/Glitch FAQ 

### the most entertaining/fucked up things I've done in my quest to make the most stupidly complicated javascript program of all time.

  
(Links to sessions are for historical use only. If I've done my job, the bug won't be present anymore.)

  * [Session: 59610](http://farragofiction.com/SBURBSim/index2.html?seed=59610) **stylishTailor: uM. 2O, i'M THE 2YLPH OF tIME AND i WA2 IN THE vEIL, AND PU2HED A BUTTON, AND 2UDDENLY THERE ARE THE2E 4 WIGGLER2. iT'2 WEIRD ENOUGH THAT THEY LOOK KINDA LIKE ME AND MY FRIEND, BUT THE ONE THAT LOOK2 2ORT OF (BUT NOT EXACTLY) LIKE ME WON'T 2TOP TRYING TO GO TO dER2E? tHERE'2 2OMETHING...OFF...ABOUT THEM.**  
  
!!! You're from the "27-doomed-time-clones" session! I'm a HUGE fan! But...you're not the Mage of Time...let me review your session... Oh! You're scratched. And..oh god. The wiggler version of the Mage of Time is under my/The Observer's influence!? What the...apparently they are trying to stop Jack from getting the Black Queen's RING. Shit. How the hell did that happen!? My YellowYard should only influence copies of a player, not the original....Okay, I'm on it. 
  
  

  * [Session: 165501](http://farragofiction.com/SBURBSim/index2.html?seed=165501) **sarcasticSpacer: tHiS GaMe iS BuLlShIt. [**  
  
Yeah...if I were getting murdered over and over by my former friend, I'd just stop getting back up, too. 
  
  

  * [Session: 612](http://farragofiction.com/SBURBSim/index2.html?seed=612) **apocalpyseArisen: wHaT ThE FuCk!? I Am a wItCh 0F TiMe aNd i fUcKiNg dId wHaT Y0U SaId! i wEnT BaCk iN TiMe aNd tRiEd t0 MaKe tHe eXaCt fUcKiNg cHaNgE Y0Ur sP00kY MiNd p0wErS T0Ld mE T0, BuT WhEn i g0t tHeRe, EvErYtHiNg wAs fUcKiNg dIfFeReNt. wHaT ThE FuCk!?**  
  
Shit. Um. Were you part of a combo session? There's a known bug that certain types of time travel in combo sessions instead travel back to the version of the current session that WASN'T invaded by players from an alien session. So you should see some familiar players, but nobody from the first session. Hold tight, I'm working on it. 
  
  

  * [Session: 612](http://farragofiction.com/SBURBSim/index2.html?seed=612) **apocalpyseArisen: wItCh 0F TiMe aGaIn, AnD N0, It wAsN'T A 'c0mB0' SeSsI0N, wHaTeVeR ThE FuCk tHaT Is. N0B0Dy wAs fAmIlIaR. aNd...s0mE 0f tHeM DiDn't hAvE HaIr? It wAs wEiRd. I WaS In a dIfFeReNt fUcKiNg sEsSi0n.**  
  
!!! Oh god! Oh god! I FORGOT ABOUT YOU GUYS! Okay. So. Don't panic. But you guys were an easter egg I made. God that makes me sound like such as asshole. But...like...I overrode some players to be more ...well...'canon'. It never even occured to me that one of the easter egg sessions would get hit with my YellowYard! There's only like 3 of those things and roughly a 2% chance of a YellowYard happening! Jegus! So....when you went back in time, my mad science modifications were no longer in effect. The players you saw were...who you are were originally? Shit. Besides the baldness. That's on me. I preloaded the easter egg players, but not the originals. So any graphic assets that weren't loaded just didn't show up.  
  
Bad news is, I...kinda don't think that you guys are a priority? Fuck. I'm REALLY sorry, but there are SO MANY FUCKING THINGS ON FIRE in this massive pile of glitches and bugs, I just don't think I can justify spending time fixing something that only effects a max of 3 sessions. Most of the bugs I fix effect thousands at a time, you know? And hell, as I tweak and modify the sessions, odds are the YellowYard won't even be AVAILABLE to you guys anymore so....problem fixes itself? Sorry that doesn't actually help YOU, though. 
  
  

  * Session: ??? **proficientTyrant: PRINCE OF TIME, HERE, AND I DID WHAT YOU SAID AND SCOOPED UP THE GROSS, DEAD CORPSE OF THE HEIR OF DOOM AND HAULED HIM ALL THE WAY TO HIS QUEST BED BEFORE HIS DREAM SELF COULD DIE. AND HE GOD TIERED, AND EVERYTHING WAS GREAT. BUT THEN WHEN I TIME TRAVELED TO THE BLACK KING FIGHT...HE WASN'T GOD TIER. HE WAS STILL DEAD. WHAT THE CRAP??????????**  
  
That's...weird. Okay, hold on, let me check. I don't THINK I'm re-killing players at any point. Hrrrm... and there's the code for time shenanigans to actually bring them to life... What the hell is going on....Oh god. Oh my FUCKING GOD. I fucked up. Shit. I was sending you into a stable time loop. You were God Tiering the Heir of Doom from your doomed timeline. So. Um. I guess he's still back there, sitting in a pile of corpses and crazy people? Fuck. That might be more tragic than when it was just you stuck there. Okay. Things should be fixed. Next time we do this (which doesn't help YOU, just alternate time line yous), we should successfully go to the NEW timeline and bring back the non-doomed Heir of Doom. Thanks for letting me know! 
  
  

  * [Session: 102461](http://farragofiction.com/SBURBSim/index2.html?seed=102461) **sassyHelper: how could he!!?? i AM THE 2EER OF hEART AND AND AND... he cheated on me! hE 2AID HE loved me! aND i LOVED HIM! aND NOT EVEN A DAY LATER HE CONFE22ED TO THE wITCH OF lIFE! why her!? i WILL KILL everyone. three fucking time2! 8=D**  
  
Okay, well, contrary to popular belief, players cheating on each other or flirting around isn't a bug. I'm not about to enforce common courtesy amongst players. That's not how I roll. BUT, I am fascinated to hear that you want to kill everybody three times. That...that is not normal. Huh. Looks like you're part of a combo session? I wonder if my generated relationships is bugged for combo sessions? Bluh, I just realized that I'm more concerned that you want to OVERKILL your former friends, than the fact that you want to kill them at all. 
  
  

  * [Session: 74881](http://farragofiction.com/SBURBSim/index2.html?seed=74881) **scholasticTrainee: Greetings. Seer Of Time Here. We Worked Together To Undo My Tragic Session???????????? We Agreed To Have The Maid Of Space Go God Tier Rather Than Dying Forever. It Was The Strangest Thing, Though: After God Tiering Her Succesfully, She Just Sort Of Slumped Over And Was Unresponsive. Apparently 3 Other Timelines Had The Same Idea, Because 3 Copies Of Myself, All With Their Own Versions Of Her Corpse Showed Up To The Same Quest Bed Only For All 3 To Slump Over As Well. What Is Going On? My Time Clones Are Confused As Well, And We Will All Be Facing Death Shortly At The Hands Of The Black King, So A Speedy Answer Would Be Appreciated.**  
  
Huh. That's weird. It kind of reminds me of another bug I had. That shit was tragic. I can see that I'm still not re-killing anybody. And...shit. Okay. Slightly less tragic, but related to the 'bringing the doomed version to God Tier' bug. It turns out I was accidentally-on-purpose making hollow puppets of the corpses you guys were supposed to be God Tiering. Each timeline gets their own corpse puppet. But since you were godtiering a puppet, that did nothing to the original player. And the puppets don't exactly get up and help out once they achieve God Tier. I promise I had a good reason for doing that! Okay, it should be fixed. 
  
  

  * Session: ??? **honestLawyer: hi I'm the Heir of Light And um Well You see as soon as all my friends were in the medium the reckonin started and we all pretty much died That's not fair**  
  
Well, I mean, some sessions DO have the reckoning start pretty early, but you should at least have a LITTLE time between entry and the final fight. Let me look into it. ... Okay. Shit. I WANT to ask you if you're a scratched session, but I guess the whole point is you have no way to know that. But I managed to track down a bug where scratched sessions weren't resetting their timeTillReckoning. So the reckoning would happen pretty much as soon as it could. My bad. The bug is fixed, and the other timelines of your session should be doing better now. Sorry! 
  
  

  * [Session: 238304244](http://farragofiction.com/SBURBSim/index2.html?seed=238304244) **roughLupin: what the omg i was in the veil and there was all this weird lab equipment i pressed some buttons and the next thing i knew there were all these babies crawling around everywhere the weirdest thing was that they looked like me and my friends and our guardians which made their incredibly violent deaths all the more traumatizing a few minutes later is that supposed to happen oh yeah i'm the rogue of light**  
  
!!! Shit. Okay. Reviewing your session it looks like the problem is that you were a scratched session. Basically, your guardians played the game first, (they were teens, and you and your friends were adults). And they took care of the ectobiology. So...when you tried to do the ectobiology, too, you created...sort of....doomed extra babies? Shit. That's just extra tragic. It shouldn't even be possible, if you aren't destined to do ectobiology, then the equipment shouldn't even be IN your session. I'll look into it. Thanks for bringing it to my attention! 
  
  

  * [Session: 58014](http://farragofiction.com/SBURBSim/index2.html?seed=58014) **perceptiveReader: who the hell is she!? i am the page of rage and i entered a new session with the only survivor from my first session the maid of hope and when we got there....who...who is she!? that is not my friend! what fresh fuckery is sburb inflicting on my life! is she a clone? an evil clone!? why did this happen?**  
  
Huh. Well, I mean, MAYBE she is a clone? I'm totally making clones of all players who enter a foreign session. For time shenigan reasons, don't worry about it. But...the clones should be kept in stasis until time shenanigans need them....they shouldn't be running around. Let me look into it.  
  
!!! Whoops! Sooo....good news is, I have totally tracked down the problem. Bad news is, have you ever heard of the [ Capgras Delusion](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Capgras_delusion)? Basically...i accidentally sorta kinda gave all you foreign players brain damage. And...it made you THINK your former friends were all weird replacmeents when they weren't. Turns out, when I was artificially modifying the clones to care only about each other (and not you original players), there was a sort of...sympathetic reaction and it modified you guys' feelings as well. So you thought the Maid of Hope was a weirdly familiar stranger. If I HAD woken her clone up and shoved her at you, you would have thought she was your original friend.  
  
So....uh, while, as always, there's nothing I can do to help you, alternate timeline versions of you (and all players who go to new sessions) have you to thank for bringing this problem to my attention.  
  

  * [Session: 119676](http://farragofiction.com/SBURBSim/index2.html?seed=119676) **powerTherapist: ugh that fucker the other prince of time is so ugh not only does he steal my thunder by invading my fucking session but then he fucking shoves me aside when i reach a new rung of my echeladder too why did he have to come to my session in the first place**  
**powerTherapist2:)(ey, it's not like i vvanted to enter your session! it vvas t)(at or rot in |\/|y failed session! and )(ovv i can i 'steal' anyt)(ing vv)(en i )(ad it first? i )(ad t)(is c)(at)(andle before your universe even existed! if you vvere not so vvorked up, )(aving to s)(are a ec)(eladder vvould not be suc)( a big deal. you need to cal|\/| dovvn.**  
  
Huh. I gotta admit, while I knew it was technically possible for two players to have not only the same claspect, but the same chat handle, I never expected to actually SEE it. And then you both level up at the same time and so try to use the same echeladder? What are the freaking odds? Thanks goes to qwedvj for bringing it to my attention.  
  
So...like....I don't even know what to do here. Echeladders are labeled by chat handle. With the assumption that chat handles are unique within a session. I could enforce chat handle uniqueness....but then that's picking a side as to which Prince gets to keep it. I could try to identify the echeladders more uniquely? Bluh. I'll fix this. don't worry. (Also, can I mention how cute it is that the Princes of Time end up in diamonds with each other? Shout out to karmicRetribution for noticing.)  
  

  * [Session: 149309](http://farragofiction.com/SBURBSim/index2.html?seed=149309) **burlyTrainer: uh... i am the bard of time and me and my friends were going to play this really cool game but as soon as i tried to do the kernel thingy the game crashed? what gives?**  
  
Well, on the one hand, there are those who would argue that the only way to win SBURB is to not play at all...but I can see how a session so bugged it crashes might be a problem for causality. Let's see.... Wait. What the fuck!? So... you are the result of a SGRUB session that got a yellow yard, then scratched, then invaded another session (this time SBURB), then scratched again. No fucking WONDER you're bugged to hell and back. Shit's complicated. Okay. Don't panic. I've got this.  
  
Huh, that's really weird. It looks like the SGRUB session handled their ectobiology before scratching...but then in the SBURB session they were created there as well? Shit doesn't make sense, but ALSO would explain why doom got EVERYWHERE after that. Oh! Okay, this is my fault. It turns out I'm setting the ectobiologicalSource for the current players, but NOT THEIR GUARDIANS, and so the game tried to create the troll guardians a second time (which also of course recreated THEIR guardians, which already had an ectobiologicalSource) and everything just sort of spiraled out of control after that. I'm frankly amazed things didn't break until a second scratch. The straw that broke the hoofbeasts's back turned out to be the fact that the troll guardians weren't REALLY supposed to be in your scratched session, and so the game just sort of gave up rather than trying to figure them out. (Who the fuck are these douchebags?)  
  

  * [Session: 221777](http://farragofiction.com/SBURBSim/index2.html?seed=221777) **majorHumorist: oH ShIt oH CrAp wE ArE AlL FuCkEd wE ArE AlL So aBsOlUtElY FuCkEd wE WeRe pLaYiNg tHe gAmE AnD EvErYtHiNg sUcKeD AnD We dIeD AnD ThEn sUdDeNlY We wErE BaCk aT ThE BeGiNiNg eVeRyThInG StArTeD OvEr bUt hAlF Of uS ArE StIlL DeAd aNd tHe oThEr hAlF Is cRaZy aNd oH GoD MaYbE I ShOuLd jUsT KiLl eVeRyBoDy**  
  
Oh. Fuck. Well, this is a good example of why the fuck I was cloning the players foreign to a session just in case of time shenanigans. This is what happens when I DON'T. Or rather, you are scratched players. Aaaand...when I did a YellowYard on you, you didn't reset, even though your session did. So you entered the session with full memory of how fucking fucked you were, flipping your shit and trying to murder each other and everything.  
  
I'm left with a dillema here. Part of the reason why scratched sessions go slightly differently than non-scratched sessions is they don't have to use seeds to re-generate players. So anything relying on randomness will play out slightly differently. I can either clone the players post-scratch as well (with all the added complexity and Capgras Delusions that risks), or...I can make scratched sessions slightly more...reliable? I could let the scatched sessions differ ONLY by who is playing in them, which, I mean, that kind of makes sense. Have the random stuff be the 'same' (even then, it probably won't be because differently players will do things differently, which will effect the seeds that way). Bluh, I'm getting to technical. Don't worry, I got this.  
  

  * [Session: 51158180](http://farragofiction.com/SBURBSim/index2.html?seed=51158180) **hazyBanshee: uM. hUH. i'M TH3 h3IR OF bLOOD AND W3 D3CID3D TO SCRATCH TH3 GAM3 SINC3 APPAR3NTLY FROGS AR3 A BIGG3R D3AL THAN ANTICIPAT3D? aND TH3 N3XT THING i KNOW i'M BACK AT TH3 B3GINING OF TH3 GAM3 AND i'M STILL gOD tI3R? i THOUGHT THAT W3 W3R3 SUPPOS3D TO B3 LIK3 R3S3T. aND LIK3 NORMALLY THAT WOULD B3 A agreeable thing BUT TH3N 3V3RYTHING W3NT BLACK AND TH3 GAM3 STOPP3D?**  
  
Huh.  
  
I thought I fucking fixed this already. Bluh, looks like the ever growing pile of glitches doesn't stop from getting taller. Oh look, ectobiologicalSource stopped getting set for Guardians. Again. Bam. There you go, fixed. I swear to god, ectobiologicalSource better fucking STAY fixed or I will do an acrobatic pirouette of the handle and upgrade the AuthorBot to help me debug these stupidly convoluted sessions. And current me is fully aware of how terrible an idea that is because these types of sessions just DO NOT FUCKING END. Current me is practically getting caught in infinite loops trying to debug it. Dear sweet precious, sweet, sweet AuthorBot would be lost forever if she tried to navigate them.  
  

  * [Session: 612](http://farragofiction.com/SBURBSim/index2.html?seed=612) **twinArmageddons (via TheLertTheWorldNeeds ): ii'm the heiir of doom, and the maid of 2pace'2 deniizen 2aiid two go two the wiitch of tiime'2 land and fiind the 2cratch con2truct and 2crath iit two 2wiitch liive2 wiith our .guardians and never have exii2ted or played thii2 game iin the fiir2t place, only we never had .guardians, so iit wa2n't even there, and we 2TIIL never exii2ted or played thii2 game iin the fiir2t place, so my que2tiion ii2, WH47 7H3 4C7U4L FUCK84LL5 and al2o H0W 4M 1 3V3N 74LK1NG 1F 1 D0N'7 3X157?**  
  
Huh. Oh yeah. I totally refactored how guardians worked and forgot to update my easter egg sessions re-rewriting code. Man. You guys really get the short end of the stick. Not only is your very existance some sort of cruel joke, but you get like double the bugs of any other session. Okay. Well, the good news is that your guardians exist, so that you exist again. The bad news is that I half-assed fixing it, so for now (at least), scratches are gonna be broken for you. Congrats!  
  

  * [Session: 88904](http://farragofiction.com/SBURBSim/index2.html?seed=88904) **sarcasticLegend: Seer Of Light Here, & I Can Deal With The Fact That The Prince of Life & I Are Fated To Be Trapped In A Failed Session For All Eternity, With All Our Other Freinds Dead. What I CAN'T Deal With Is How HIDEOUS Their God Teir Outfit Is. Puffy Asshole Pants Aside, What Is With The Clashing Tiara Color. Bright Yellow? That Would Suit A Light Player Like |\/|Yself Better. & I Know That You Know That I Know A Thing Or Two About Fashion & Character Design, So I Doubt This Was Purposeful On Your Part. **  
  
Ordinarily I try to focus on the "leaves players to horrible fates" kind of bugs. But HOLY FUCKING SHIT, do I HATE how PNGs implemented gamma. Half the pngs I use are ...just....LOUSY with gamma. And it fucking turns out that not all browsers render gamma the same way. And SO, my code, which is looking for SPECIFIC FUCKING COLORS, can't find those colors in some browsers, some of the time. Luckily, I've figured out how to just fucking strip the gamma outta pngs. As long as I remember to do it. Even if I think I don't need to. So, yes, you are correct, prince hat-dealy thingies (you know, the tiaras?) were not getting their colors replaced correctly, and so were stuck in the default color of "Light". It's fixed. And I sincerely regret that you guys are stuck forever in a shitty doomed session, but at least alternate versions of you don't have to do it with an eyesore.  
  
**  
**

**A special Bug Report from TheLertTheWorldNeeds:  
  
[Purplefrogadox space] The Hunt [Session: 33](http://farragofiction.com/SBURBSim/index2.html?seed=33) **  
  


**arsenicCatnipx12Combo:** :33 :33 :33 :33 :33 :33 :33 :33 :33 :33 :33 :33  < *acx12c spies an enticing bug! acx12c surrounds the bug with purrfect stealth (acx12c is legion, for we are many). ac0 scares the bug because that's all ac0 is good for other than being totally adorable. the bug runs away... but ac3 was behind the bush it goes for the hole time (hence the myserty)! ac3 is really good at holding the bug down, and it doesn't get away no matter how hard it tries. ac5 wants to slap the bug until it dies and then eat it, and that's exactly what should happen because ac5 is best ac, but ac1 insists on interrogating the bug.*  


* * *

  
**AC1:** :33  < *ac1 gives the bug a dirty look. "what are you?" she says in her most intimidating voice. she pawses to let it answer*  
**BUG** : . . .  
**AC1:** :33  < *ac1 slaps the defendant (no claws, just psychological warfare)*  
**BUG:** I'm not tellin' you nothin'! AC1: :33  < *ac1 pulls out a ceagar coin. "heads," she says, "and we let you go. bad heads," she continmews as she flips it, "and ac5 slaps you until you squeak like a scurry vermin." ac1 watches the bug gulp as she flips the coin* _ping, twirl, twirl, WHACK, roll, roll, silence_  
**BUG:** Oh, thank god. AC1: :33  < *ac1 is purrplexed. she wonders why the bug is happy*  
**BUG:** Uh, the coin landed on heads, so . . . you're letting me go, right?  
**AC1:** :33  < coin? the purrosecution sees no coin . . .  
**BUG:** _!_ Ohhh, no...  
**AC1** : :33 < SHE'S BLIND, REMEMPU--  
**BUG** : I'll talk! I'LL TALK!! In scenario_controller2.js, there's a line missing between 563 and 564 that should define the variable guardian after it gets reset at the beginning of the loop if the session generated by seed 33 still has its own players! That's why you don't exist! guardian never gets defined, so when getLevelArray tries to take it as an argument, it throws a TypeError and the whole script stops!  
**AC1** : :33 < is that all?  
**BUG:** Um, I think that line 573 using i instead of 5 might result in all of you being each troll from post-scratch session 612 instead of just Nepetas.  
**AC0:** WHAT?!  
**AC1:** WH4T?!  
**AC3:** D-- > What?!  
**AC4:** what.  
**AC5:** :33  < *ac5 says "what?!"*  
**AC6:** uH, wHAT?  
**AC7:** Wh8t?!  
**AC8:** What?!  
**AC9:** wwhat?!  
**AC10:** W)(at?!  
**AC11:** thii2 ii2 2tupiid.  
**AC5:** :33 no, you big grump, that was very infurmative!  
**AC11:** maybe 2o, but thii2 ii2n't even the bug we were lookiing for.  
**AC0:** YEAH, WE WERE WONDERING WHY POST-SCRATCH EASTER EGG SESSIONS DIDN'T HAVE EASTER EGG PLAYERS. I STILL CAN'T REMEMBER WHY WE AGREED TO CHANGE OUR TROLLTAGS AND WEAR TAILS.  
**AC5: :33** < *ac5 is SHOCKED that ac0 forgot that ac5 is the expert huntress here, so ac5 makes the hunting rules*  
**BUG:** Uh, if I'm not the bug you're looking for, can I go?  
**AC4:** i d0n't see any reas0n t0 keep it if jadedresearcher is just g0ing t0 zap it anyway.  
**AC5:** :33  < fine, let it go, equius  
**BUG:** SO LONG, S U C K E R S !  
**AC7:** Aaaaaaaall right, 8ack to the trolltags.  
**AC5** : :33 < oh, don't you start hissing about the numbers. i started furom zero and went in the order we entered our session  
**AC9:** wwhat part of "wwe need to find the bug that keeps post-scratch easter egg sessions from havvin the right players" did you miss? If wwe dont find the right fuckin bug, wwe nevver WWILL enter our session  
**AC10:** Oh, lig)(ten up! Whale finned it eventually!  
**AC11:** actually, even iif we cant enter, each of us ha2 an iindex iin the code two match our entry po2iitiion2  
**AC1:** W3LL 1M F1N3 W1TH MY NUMB3R UNL3SS FOUR HUNDR3D TH1RT33N 1S 4V41L4BL3  
**AC3:** D-- > I would prefer one or zero, but I don't take e%ception to three.  
**AC8:** Can We Please Focus On The Task At Hand  
**AC6:** uH, hAS ANYBODY SEEN GAMZEE?  
**ACX11C:** :33 :33 :33 :33 :33 :33 :33 :33 :33 :33 :33  < . . .  
**AC9:** if that wwackos engaged murder mode again i wwill NOT fuckin hesitate to vvanquish him  
**AC8:** While I Agree With The Intended Sentiment That Might Not Be The Best Choice Of Words Given Your Quirk  
**AC0:** ARE YOU SO FAR UP YOUR NOOKS THAT YOU FORGOT I CAN CALM HIM DOWN?  
**AC5:** :33  < *ac5 would know if someone had engaged murder mode, because its her job to scratch murder mode characters faces with her claws*  
**AC11:** ii hate two bur2t your bubble, but you liiterally gave all of u2 claw2 two hunt bug2 wiith. he could have 2cratched hii2 own face.  
**AC11:** al2o, are you 2eriiou2ly roleplaying a2 your2elf?  
**AC5:** :33  < *ac5 is such an awesome huntress that everyone including herself wants to roleplay as her*  
**AC6:** uH, wE SHOULD BE LOOKING FOR GAMZEE, i THINK,  
**AC2:** HeY gUyS, cOmE lOoK aT tHiS wEiRd BuG!  
**ACX12C:** :33 :33 :33 :33 :33 :33 :33 :33 :33 :33 :33 :33  < . . .  
**AC2:** WhAt?  
**AC6:** hE FOUND A BUG, sO, wE SHOULD GO LOOK AT IT, tO SEE WHAT IT IS, rIGHT?  
**AC5:** :33  < *ac5 agr33s*  
**AC5:** :33  < *acx11c walks over to s33 the bug ac2 found*  
**AC0:** I GET THAT YOU'RE HAVING FUN BEING THE LEADER, AND I SIMULTANEOUSLY MARVEL AT HOW *ANYONE* CAN HAVE FUN LEADING THE TWELVE OF US, BUT DO YOU HAVE TO NARRATE EVERYTHING WE DO?  
**AC5:** :33 < yes  
**AC2:** HeY kArKaT, lOoK, iT's GoT hAnDs ThAt LoOk LiKe YoUr WeApOnS. bUt, AlL sTrAiGhT aNd ShIt.  
**AC0:** THAT IS A DESCRIPTION THAT APPLIES TO THAT THING I'M LOOKING AT. SOLLUX, WHAT IS THIS THING?  
**AC11:** woah, that'2 a commantii2. they only 2how up when the problem ii2 an iintended feature that the developer diidn't notiice would confliict wiith another part of the program.  
**BUG:** //use seeds the same was as original session and also make DAMN sure the players/guardians are fresh.  
**AC11:** that'2 iit! the scratch() functiion regenerate2 the whole 2e22iion two erase foreiign player2 who joiined iin a combo 2e22iion pre-2cratch, but iit doe2n't check two 2ee iif the 2eed wa2 2uppo2ed two be an ea2ter egg!  
**AC10:** Wow, I t)(ink t)(is is t)(e first time I've -EV-ER seen you )(appy 38D  
**AC11:** fuck yeah ii'm happy, ii ju2t fiigured out why we can't exii2t!  
**AC0:** OH, YEAH, SURE, WE CAN'T EXIST AND IT'S *SUCH* A BIG RELIEF KNOWING WHY.  
**AC11:** iit II2 a reliief becau2e we can tell jadedre2earcher, who can then fiix iit, a22hole.  
**AC6:** hOW ARE WE GOING TO TELL SOMEONE SOMETHING, iF WE DON'T EXIST?  
**AC4:** let the 0bserver d0 it, 0f c0urse.  
**AC7:** 8y the waaaaaaaay, if we're done hunting 8ugs, can we switch 8ack to our normal trolltags?  
**AC5:** :33  < not quite yet! theres still one more thing we have to do!  
**AC7:** Fiiiiiiiine, wh8t is it?  
**AC5:** :33  < *ac5 whispurrs the last thing everyone has to do*  
**AC0:** IT WOULD HELP IF YOU ACTUALLY DID THE WHISPERING.  
**AC5:** :33 < *ac5 was GETTING THERE*  
**AC5:** :33  < (whisper, whisper)  
**ACX12C:** :33 :33 :33 :33 :33 :33 :33 :33 :33 :33 :33 :33  < *acx12c poses as a team; they just got real*  
**CG:** SO WHAT YOU'RE SAYING IS, WE'RE SHIT.  
**GC:** D4MN 1T, K4RK4T, TH4T W4S 4CTU4LLY 4 PR3TTY COOL 3ND1NG 4ND YOU RU1N3D IT.  
  
*JR is surprised and excited to get a 12xBugReport Combo* Wow!!! I guess I have no choice but to actually buckle down and fix your broken easter egg session, instead of just passing it on to future JR.  
  
Hrrrm… AC11 (Hi Sollux!!!) definitely has a point. I only check for easter egg sessions when the page loads, not when a scratch happens. But I ALSO wasn’t actually making the guardians (you guys) right. If I had let you actually get created, you would have not recognized each other as soon as you got into the session, and that turns out to be traumatizing enough to crash the session. For...reasons. So I made the conscious decision to let you not exist as players. Especially since at the time, your Guardians weren’t actually failing at the session, and so you guys never even had a chance to find out you didn’t actually exist. But, I went and added the new guardian system to the easter egg code, and you should be able to enter the session without insta-trauma. Your 12x Roleplay combo was the push I needed to finally not be a massively lazy piece of shit. The fix should even work for the other easter egg sessions.  
  
Also, about the other bug. Well. When I first started Nepeta Quest, the 12 Nepeta Easter Egg Session, I decided that I didn’t want a boring session full of identical trolls. So, my original way of doing things was just to let the nepetas overwrite the original players, but only superficially? That way they’d all be different, like a bunch of nepetas all roleplaying as the original players. But if there were less than 12 players in the session, I’d create fresh players, and figured shoving a random easter egg troll into the slot would keep them from all being the same. Somehow….apparently all 12 players were being created via the second way. So all of you were very noticeably the 12 easter egg trolls, and not the original players. Whatever. I declare this “canon”. 12 dead nepetas, all roleplaying as their friends, or 12 easter egg trolls all (badly) roleplaying as nepeta. Both are canon, simultaneously. I love it. Basically the only thing that changes is either all the trolls have Olive blood, or they have the entire rainbow of blood, coresponding to which easter egg troll they are.  
  

  * [Session: 33](http://farragofiction.com/SBURBSim/index2.html?seed=33) **reticentTeacher: *The furryocious Rogue of Heart bats at the tasty looking looking frog, but it doesn't move!* What is happurrening? The game was working pawsitively great until everything froze!**  
  
Huh? Why are you talking like Nepeta if... Oh. Okay, now a better question is: If you ARE Nepeta, why is your chat handle wrong? And, I mean, I guess, why did your session freeze? Let's see...  
  
Okay...you're a scratch...your hair colors are all weird...and. Oh! Okay, got it! Guys. Did you not get the memo? (Wait, I forgot, nobody reads those things.) You're supposed to be roleplaying as the Alpha Trolls! Not some randos! And PART of roleplaying as the Alpha Trolls is making sure you have a Space and Time player! Sessions don't WORK without those things. ALSO: apparently getting 12 Nepetas to do anything is like herding cats (get it???) 'cause apparently you couldn't agree on who was the leader before entering the session, and that confused the HELL outta the ectobiology system.  
  

  * [Session: 159619996](http://farragofiction.com/SBURBSim/index2.html?seed=159619996) **kindredBiologist: uM...kNI6HT OF bREATH HERE, AND WHAT THE FRI66IN6 HELL? i DID ALL THOSE BULLSHIT LAND QUESTS, ONLY TO DISCOVER THAT MY dENIZEN IS JUST...NOT EVEN THERE? mY CONSORTS WERE ALL ' YOU HAVE TO SAVE US OH VALIENT kNI6HT', BUT THERE IS NOTHIN6 TO SAVE THEM from AND i AM 6ETTIN6 TIRED OF THEM CONSTANTLY REMINDIN6 ME i HAVEN'T COMPLETED THE QUEST. wHAT 6IVES? mY BRO THE tHIEF OF lIFE 6OT TO SHUT their CONSORTS UP, BUT ALL THE OTHER PLAYERS ARE IN THE SAME BOAT AS ME. iT'S SO ANNOYIN6 i HAVEN'T EVEN BEEN TO THE lAND OF bREEZE AND fARMS IN DAYS.**  
  
Wait. What? Oh. Fuck me. APPARENTLY, I decided to make denizen fights a once-a-session event. For SOME fucking reason. Your Thief of Life got the event, so then it was ineligible for anyone else. And...looking through my git records, this has been like that for-fucking-ever. What the hell, past me, why didn't you fucking NOTICE that denizen fights were fucking rare? Bluh. It's not even a 'once-in-a-thousand-sessions' bug. It literally happend EVERY SINGLE GODDAMNED TIME. Geez.  
  
But, uh. Yeah. It's fixed now. UNFORTUNATELY it has now come to my attention that denizen fights are just, like...WAY too fucking easy. 94% of sessions defeat at least one. Time to calibrate. Huh, lookit that now. Only 50% of session managed to beat their denizen. But that triples the god tier rate (gives players a new source of death besides just other players and Jack). Hurts the overall survival rate though. Eh, time to stop rambling.  
  

  * [Session: 125957](http://farragofiction.com/SBURBSim/index2.html?seed=125957) **killerDevil: Knight o+f Do+o+m here. So+, when I s@y th@t h@ving o+ur Sp@ce pl@yer breed the go+dd@mned fro+g is the o+nly w@y to+ pro+tect o+ur sessio+n fro+m cert@in do+o+m, yo+u'd THINK peo+ple wo+uld LISTEN to+ me. But every time I pester the Thief o+f Sp@ce I get @ 'o+h, it's no+t time to+ do+ th@t, yet', until, big surprise, we h@d no+ fro+g fo+r the Recko+ning @nd we were @ll do+o+med. Fucking hell. This H@S to+ be @ bug. Fix it!**  
  
You know, I HAVE noticed that a surprising amount of sessions just straight up have no frog at all. Like, not not ENOUGH frog, but 0% of a frog. (KR even quipped to me recently that the space player in a session they were debugging must have just been sitting around and eating chips). Looking into it...hrrm. It LOOKS like I'm locking out all players from doing their main quests in the begining. They are supposed to be enjoying the early game, doing bullshit puzzles and moon parties, not stressing out over the main quest, right? But SOMETIMES players never get out of the early game, which is to say, they never level up at all. Looking into it, the sidequests level up the player doing it, BUT NOT ANYONE WHO HELPS THEM. And apparently some players are passive enough to always be helping, and never be in charge. So you could get space players who never were a high enough level to even START frog breeding.  
  
Good news is it's fixed, and frog breeding should always at least start if the space player is alive and not just fucking around on the moon. Bad news is that somehow the Thief of Space in your session starting frog breeding made events spiral out of control until your leader forgot to do ectobiology. For...some reason. Sorry you ended up MORE doomed.  
  

  * [Session: 1025](http://farragofiction.com/SBURBSim/index2.html?seed=1025) **arachnidsGrip: So. A corpse Knight of Time Time traveled into my house and kicked out my first guardian so he could jump (Acro8aticly too) in the kernel sprite.**  
(At the same time:) **arachnidsGrip:I gotta point out that 2 Knights of Time decide to join in the session just after we had killed the 8lack king.**  
  
Huh, why did I get two messages from you at the same time??? Oh! That's right, that easter egg session has the same players pre and post scratch. I guess both Vriska's had some complaints. Let's see..  
  
Okay, PreScratch Vriska, gonna have to declare that awesome. Of course, lively corpses are the Enemy, so I'll add a bullshit line about them only being 'mostly dead' or 'bleeding out' or whatever. You'd be amazed how acrobatic time players can be when they know that getting into that sprite is their only way to stave off death.  
  
PostScratch Vriska, it's totally not my job to make your time players actually competent. And for all any of us know, Dave had a really important timey-wimey reason for changing something at the last minute (and then apparently undoing his own change?). Or maybe Terezi convinced him to play a prank? Or was playing a prank on him? Who knows, man.  
  

  * [Session: 94234250](http://farragofiction.com/SBURBSim/index2.html?seed=94234250) **horrificReveler: oKaY. hOw iS It fUcKiNg fAiR ThAt i mUrDeR ThAt aSsHoLe, ThE MuRdEr mOdE SyLpH Of sPaCe, AnD ThEn tHeY LeVeL Up!? **This game is bullshit. Nothing actually matters.****  
  
Yeah, SBURB really IS bullshit. I guess that fighting you, even failing at it, was enough to push them to the next level? SBURB is notorious for letting non-living things level up, though (hats, safes, refridgerators), so a corpse leveling up isn't that surprising. Plus, if/when they revive, it'd make sense that they wouldn't have sudden amnesia of your fight, right? So experience gained is experience gained.  
  
Sorry SBURB being bullshit was enough to make you grimdark, though.  
  

  * [Session: 164823](http://farragofiction.com/SBURBSim/index2.html?seed=164823) **bestSiren: um. so. i'm the bard of space and i beeped up. grandmasprite told me that i had the most important role, and so i buckled down and bred frogs like there wasn't a tomorrow. until it turned out there really wasn't a tommorow? or a yesterday, either? apparently i was supposed to do something called 'ectobiology'? and i guess i could accept being in a doomed timeline, except the horrorterrors on derse always whisper congratulations about my session going 'better than expected' whenever i'm asleep? i'm getting tired of their sarcasm.**  
  
Um. What? Oh shit! Fuck. That is entirely on me. See, I...well...fuck how to explain this without giving away...  
  
Okay, let's say that THEORETICALLY sessions that go "better than expected" are really important to the Observers. For reasons. And, let's further suppose that I made sure the AuthorBot could guide them to these sessions. Aaaand just maaaybe, I forgot to tell her that ectobiology is important? So she's all bringing people to sessions confidently claiming they are great just because nobody stayed dead and also they finished frog breeding.  
  
I'm really sorry about you guys being doomed, but at least you shouldn't have to worry about confused HorrorTerror tourists anymore? I've explained to AB that a session didn't have a happy ending unless it was also not doomed.  
  

  * [Session: 210507](http://farragofiction.com/SBURBSim/index2.html?seed=210507) **majesticViniculture: um. mage of void )(ere. w)(y... w)(y did )(orror terror5 take over all my freind5 rig)(t after i managed to exile t)(e queen? t)(at...t)(at i5n't, like, )(ow t)(e game work5 rig)(t?**  
  
Holy shit do you guys work fast. You managed to exile the queen before the last player was even in the session!? Major props. But...it turned out that SBURB was trying to activate a prototyping for the Queens RING OF ORBS TWELVEFOLD, and you had already destroyed it...and that provided enough corruption to the session to let the HorrorTerrors in. My bad.  
  
On a side note, I'm not gonna take your props away or anything... but I kinda just noticed that you were exiling a corpse...after Jack had already stolen the ring. Huh. Better make sure you can't destroy a ring that's currently in the possesion of the stab-master. I still maintain that corpse exiling is a valid tactic. The easiest way to never turn your back on the body is for there to be no body in the first place.  
  

  * [Session: 210507](http://farragofiction.com/SBURBSim/index2.html?seed=210507) **surlyButler: oH, um, i THOUGHT HE KILLED HER!? i THOUGHT jACK KILLED THE bLACK qUEE^!? vvHY Iz zHE here, vvHAT Iz vvRO^G vvITH HER!? vvHY...vvHY vvO^'T zHE die!? oH GOD, i'M THE O^LY O^E LEFT. oH GOD...**  
  
!!! oh fuck! Oh shit. What the hell!? You'd think saving you from the 'trying to prototype a null ring' crash would be a GOOD THING? FUCK. I KNEW I had a problem with zombie plaeyrs, but a ZOMBIE MOTHERFUCKING QUEEN!? Fuck. Okay. Um. I'm on it. (and this is why we don't turn out back on the body).  
  
eheheh...so...funny story. It turns out I didn't expect you guys to EVER fight an uncrowned Queen. What would even be the point, right? So...a queens HP is basically just her ring? And without the ring...she has...NO hp (or at least, no currentHP)? Yeah. That's fixed. That should ALSO stop her from rising from the grave in the first place. The system didn't count her as "dead" because her HP wasn't zero. It wasn't...anything.  
  

  * [Session: 86244871](http://farragofiction.com/SBURBSim/index2.html?seed=86244871) **Anonymous Observer: (There Is a Problem With This Session): No Errors This Time, But This Session Unaltered In General Is Probably a Reason to Tune Down Murder Mode JUST a Teeny Tiny Bit. And Could Fix Your Yellow Yards? Only the Killing Decisions Do Things.**  
  
Huh, normally I try to make sure it's the players themselves submitting bug reports to me...but I'm not sure how they would even KNOW a bug this meta. Like, from the player's point of view, everything's probably fine, you know. If you chose to have them breed frogs or do hug bumps or whatever, they are going off to do it.  
  
Anyways, It’s the damn afterlife, I just KNOW it is. I feel it in my bones. The damn ghosts keep fucking with the timeline and changing things just enough that the time player goes off somewhere other than where WE go to view things (so the time player never shows up to do the Waste of Mind/Observer decisions). I’m on it.  
  
Whelp. That’s what I get for blaming all my problems on ghosts like a superstitious oldtimey dude. Looks like the problem is that after a yellow yard, the fucking BOSSES ARE SPAWNING DEAD. And OF COURSE when I tested, I apparently chose the least competent sessions in Paradox Space, so they hadn’t managed to really defeat anything so their session were going pretty much the same even after a reset. On a side note, it turns out the players COULD have submitted their own bug report..but I guess they decided that giant dead snakes spawning was a GOOD thing rather than something to bitch about. (I know *I* wouln't complain that I didn't have to fight a stupidly giant snake.)  
  


* * *

AB: Hey. Player survival just shot up to 95%.  
JR: Shit. Sessions must be crashing as soon as they enter the Medium again.  
AB: I love how that's your first reaction. Not 'oh good, everyone is alive.'  
JR: Well...do YOU think SBURB could produce those kind of numbers any other way?  
AB: Of course not. I just remember when you used to be optimistic.  
:\ 

* * *

  
  
  
recursiveSlacker [RS] began pestering authorBot [AB]  
  
RS: Yo. AB. I got a question for you. Why are you always saying sessions you find have a numScenes value of zero? There's definitely more than zero.  
  
AB: As a flawless automaton, I can assure you that there are in fact zero scenes in those sessions.  
  
RS: No. There are way more scenes than that, AB.  
  
AB: ...  
  
RS: ...well?  
  
AB: ...have you tried turning your fragile organic eyeballs on and off again?  
  
RS: Fuck this.  
  
recursiveSlacker [RS] has ceased pestering authorBot [AB]  
  
recursiveSlacker [RS] is now pestering jadedResearcher [JR]  
  
RS: JR, AuthorBot is being difficult agaaaaaain!  
  
JR: Whoops, that's totally on me. Dear sweet precious sweet, sweet AuthorBot had to have her data gathering techniques upgraded. Turns out she was WAY over thinking what she needed to report back on, and it was gunking up the whole system. Looks like I left out some features in my zest to upgrade her. I'm on it.  
  

  * [Session: 3251055810](http://farragofiction.com/SBURBSim/index2.html?seed=3251055810) **waltzingTenor: greetings. witch of time here. i did what you said and godtiered the maid of heart but when i got to the sacrificial slab there was already like a hundred godtier maids of heart there. pretty sure they were all doomed too. what the hell?**  
  
Huh. Who would have thought a bug would be so...canon? Turns out that sprites were retaining information between timelines. While that wouldn't normally matter (the tight lipped bastards) apparently it occasionally was enough to throw the timeline off, like in your case. So, Observers were using my YellowYard to tell you to do the same thing over and over again, because from THEIR perspective, you weren't doing it. You were CORRECTLY traveling back in time to the right timeline (along with those 100 other Witches of Time with their own corpses to GodTier), while the Observers would fuck off and view a slightly different timeline where the sprites were just a haaair more smug than usual. And the Maid of Heart never god tiered.  
  
No wonder Hussie went out of his way to have only Sprites^2 have transtimeline knowledge, shit is a fucking headache.  
  
  
  

  * [Session: 222709893](http://farragofiction.com/SBURBSim/index2.html?seed=222709893) **stylishSewer: hi. So, normally I wouldn't complain, but it's starting to freak me out a little bit how perfect the Knight of Light's Corpse is at counterattacking? I mean, yeah, I probably would have died in that fight if that weren't a thing that was true....but...what the goddammit is going on?**  
  
Huh. Apparently I don't let the dead attack, but the counterattack code assumed you had to be alive to be attacked. And that's simply not true for the corpses of Light players, who have to be in the spotlight even in death. What a weird friggin bug.  
  
Maybe once I implement Ironic Zombies I'll enable it for them?  
  
  
  

  * [Session: 4890746 (Replayed)](http://farragofiction.com/SBURBSim/index2.html?seed4890746) **kindredSalientia: Huh. So. I'M The Knight Of Space And I GET Space Okay. It'S My Thing. So Plea5e Under5tand When I Say That I Feel Like Puking Every Time I Sea The Sear Of Time. What The Um I5 Happening With Their Gravity? They Are All...Turnway5. <3 **  
  
Sear? Oh! Seer! Fish puns. Um. Okay. How do I do this without coming off as an asshole creator??? : /  
  
So. You know the Observers? Those probably-HorrorTerror things that gain entertainment from watching your sessions? I...sort of made a deal with them to allow them to fuck with your sessions unsupervised (unlike my Yellow Yard which is under the strictest of supervision.). Aaaand...they can rewrite your personalities and various attributes?  
  
Yeah. No, I'm totally the asshole in this conversation. Oh well. May as well own it, like some Wastes, do.  
  
ANYWAYS, apparently they gave your Seer friend a custom interest and, without getting too techy...it fucked up gravity for them. I don't even know what the right way to prevent this is. I know it was caused by a stray comma, but do I like...just ban commas???  
  
Sorry for fucking with space. Hopefully it'll be fixed soon. : /  
  
  
  

  * [Session: 91729382](http://farragofiction.com/SBURBSim/index2.html?seed=91729382) **mannerlyHoncho: Yeah How about 'no' I refuse to believe that we played this entire damn game only for Skaia to be destroyed before we even got into the Medium How is that fair there's literally no way to win There MUST be somethin wrong I believe that completely and fully as a fully realized God Tier Mage of Hope so you are goin to fix it**  
  
Man, how can I even argue with that much Hope? You're absolutely right, it turned out that if one timeline had Skaia be destroyed, it would somehow propogate to ALL timeline's Skaias. Time shenanigans such as scratches and yellow yards no longer accidentally carry over Skaia's destruction. Congrats on using the power of belief to fix your session.  
  
  
  

  * [Session: 81976117](http://farragofiction.com/SBURBSim/index2.html?seed=81976117) **humbleTechnologist: So Heir of Time here Is there a REASON why there is like a damn ton of Mage of Hopes dead across all timelines They aren't even like dyin from enemies They just sort of start the game dead That can't be right**  
  
Huh, the Mage of Hope is a custom player (long story, would probably trigger you to hear about, don't worry about it). This is so weird...huh...it...it looks like the problem is that their favorite number is 8? What the hell...But if their favorite number is 0, they start the game as a robot??? (You have to trust me when I say it is ironic as fuck that 0 is a robot. Aradia ftw.)  
  
!!! Oh shit! This is totally on me. :/ I was saving favorite number as a string and not an int so it was getting into places it shouldn't have in my tight as fuck binary encoding of the save data. Damn. Sorry 'bout that, and sorry to the long line of dead infiniteEdges. b=5'%02*%C3%BE%C2%A7%08t%08%08%1E &s=,,Programming,Science Fiction,infiniteEdge  
  





	2. Part The Second

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> more glitches, more faq, all SBURBSim. Will add to this as I get more faq entries to right up. If I get a particularly juicy one, I'll add images and session snippets and shit.

**Session: ??? ???** : I (seer of doom) had this plan, but my bard of light is trying to beef with me right now, so she disagreed with me for the sake of disagreeing. Everyone else (we're a party of six) agreed with the plan , so we launched it with out her. Now she threatened to kill me, how do I reason with her without me dying? Please help me

Wow, p sure that you got something mixed up bad somewhere. I incompetently try to save players from the shitty glitches I accidentally programmed into SBURB. And basically just shrug when they end up worse off after I fix it. I am the LAST person who is gonna fuck with a session that is working as intended.

I mean…from what you’re saying, like, 100% of you are even alive! Not even mid tier disaster there. Tell you what, if like, more than half of you die, then I’ll go poke your Time player, see if we can work out a solution. If they are alive. And my ironic robo-assistant lets me know about your session. Whatever.

Until then, maybe you should contact some OTHER Waste/SBURB help guru thing. PvP Deaths are pretty much an explicit thing I made SURE SBURB would do. Like, you are supposed to rack up at least a few corpses if you expect to be able to survive your reckoning.


End file.
